To the Embarassment of our Fellow Order Members
by madAmeSaysWhAt
Summary: Tonks finds a bottle of Firewhisky in the cupboard at the Order; in a ploy to win her man, she pretends to drink while Remus pisses himself. They proceed to do things that Hermione and Ginny really have no business knowing about... read on!


**Well, I was bored, and in some serious need of RL/NT fluffehness. Tonks finds some firewhisky in the back of the cupboard, and she and Remus get a little wild. ^_^ Read on, and I hope you enjoy the fruits of my boredom **

**As always,**

**i gf **

**DISCLAIMER: I had an idea for a really witty and interesting (and cheeky) disclaimer, but I forgot it. Oh well, I still don't own it. (Though I reeeeeeeally want to own Remus… ALL of him… ^^)**

Nymphadora Tonks sat in the kitchen of Number Twelve, Grimmuald Place, feeling rather bored. She briefly wondered what her parents were doing; it was almost Christmas, and this was the first year they had been separated as a family. Whenever she spent the holidays with them, they would dote on her like a child, getting her presents, making her hot cocoa, and reading to her. Every year she would tell them that she was much too old to have that kind of a Christmas, she was old enough to not be disappointed if she didn't get a heap of presents in the morning, that she could sleep in and open her gifts when everyone was awake. But they wouldn't hold for it; Andromeda would simply buy more presents, and Ted would tickle her ribcage and tell her that she would always be his little girl, no matter what age she actually was.

Sometimes Tonks wished that her mother's ovary hadn't busted when Tonks was seven; if the woman would have had another child, Nymphadora wouldn't be the baby all the time.

Sighing, she got up from the table and opened the cupboard. There had to be something good to nosh on, there just had to be…

She felt her hand tap something cold, something glass, something feeling like a bottle of hard liquor…

She pulled it out, and, brushing dust away, inspected the label. Indeed, it was alcohol, Ogden's Old Firewhisky, dating (she inspected the tiny print on the cork and gasped), Eighteen oh Eight.

Muttering the date again, she gave a low whistle. This stuff was HARD. Didn't hurt to take a glass or two, it was the holidays, right?

Just as she was about to pop the cork and pour a portion into a mug she had procured from the washer, she heard footsteps behind her.

Turning, she saw Remus Lupin, standing there in the doorway, being gorgeous like it was nobody's business. He had a little smile on him, that cheeky thing, his casual jeans-and-a-sweater-vest ensemble more sexy than tattered…

She raised the bottle up to him, shaking it.

"Care for some? Just found it in the cupboard, it's niiiiice and fermented for the big werewolf that you are…" He grinned stepping forward.

"Don't mind if I do, Nymphadora." He chuckled at her outraged expression. Shaking the bottle, he popped the cork. It ricocheted off the ceiling, smacking the table squarely in the centre, before it bounced off the floor and into Remus's outstretched hand. Tonks raised her eyebrows.

"Being best friends with Sirius Black definitely has its benefits, as I can see," she said, holding out her glass. He poured the brownish liquid into the cup, and she chugged back probably more than she should have.

"Easy, tiger." He pulled back the glass from her mouth, and she pouted. He poured some more into the cup, and took a few dignified sips. She pouted, feeling quite tipsy, and tried to pull the mug away from his delicately working lips. She half succeeded, and some of the drink dribbled down onto the front of his adorably nerdy sweater vest. She sipped at the glass, giggling madly.

"More?" She grabbed the bottle, tossing aside the lipstick-covered cup and gulping straight from the mouth of the bottle. Remus snatched it away from her, tsk tsking.

"My, Nymphy, you're certainly getting a bit *hic* cr-cr-crooked." He sipped from the bottle, then set it down, jumping. She had found a way to penetrate the many layers of shirt he had on, and her hands were now delicately skimming his muscled chest. She giggled, unbuttoning the top of his shirt. She tickled the tip of his chin with a long, acid- green fake nail. He slammed her up against the side of the countertop.

"Oh, shit, I love you so… so much…" Tonks stopped her little circles she was making on his chest, looking up at him.

"You, you, you mean it?" She smiled cunningly. He hiccupped again.

"Y-yeah, Nymph, I do. I don't let you know most of the time because I thought you were too… too young, and but really I lo-love you so much."

She laughed out loud. Yesss, her plan had worked! She got him to confess! Now, to make use of it…

She gripped the back of his neck, bringing his mouth down upon hers, hard. He hungrily responded, his tongue licking her lips. She opened her mouth wide, nibbling on the tongue that came eagerly exploring her mouth. He moaned in drunken pleasure, and she somehow wiggled his shirt off of him. He toppled her to the floor, sucking on her silver cartilage piercing, she giving him numerous love bites all across his neck. Proof that she had really kissed him, she thought savagely.

He somehow wriggled her out of her black crop top, and was now feeling for the clip of her lacy bra. She undid it for him, and kissed him violently, feeling very naughty indeed.

Suddenly, she felt somewhat indecent. If they were caught…

She found a solution. Straddling his hips, she maneuvered him under the long kitchen table, draping the tablecloth over the gap she had made. Smiling in a satisfactory way, she went back to her previous actions, relishing every moment of them.

"So then, we were walking to class, and I was thinking that I had better keep a watch out for mistletoe, because, you know, so I could offer to meet him near there later or something like that, and when I get to Flitwick's classroom, he coughs, and there's a sprig like, right above us!"

"Oh my gawd, that it so cute!" squealed Hermione Granger, overjoyed at the adorableness of Ginny Weasley's story. She wondered when she would get her chance at the mistletoe with HER dream guy…

"But that's nawt even the best part yet! After we kissed, he puts his hand in my pocket, and slips something into it. He whispers, 'something to make you thing of me,' and then he goes to his class. So once he's gone, I pull out these from my pocket!" She pulled back a strand of shocking red hair from her ears, and displayed a pair of earrings designed to look like little snitches. Hermione gasped.

"Oooh, those are so pretty! Can I see?" Ginny removed one from her ear, dropping it into her friend's palm. Hermione held it up to the little light in the hallway outside the kitchen. She sighed wistfully.

"Oh, I wish Ro- I mean, my crush, would give me earrings. I wouldn't even care if they were snitches; just so long as he gave them to me." Ginny raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Excuse moi? Did I almost hear my youngest brother's name in the place of your crush, Ms. Granger?" Hermione groaned. "Aww, come on, we all know you like him. And he likes you too, trust me. You just need to give him some time. He'll ask you out when he plucks up the courage to."

"Yeah, whatever…" Hermione pushed open the wood doors to the kitchen. As she did so, the earring she was still holding slipped out of her hand, rolling across the tile floors and under the table, disappearing under the heavy blue tablecloth.

"Oops! Sorry, Ginny, let me get that…" She stooped down and lifted the tablecloth.

She found not just the earring, but also two undressed Order members, curled up asleep against each other. She gasped; one had shocking pink hair, the other, graying brown…

"Ginny!" she whispered. "Come over here!"

The other girl walked over, peeking under the tablecloth. "Oh my GAWD!!!!!!"

The woman stirred at her outburst, and Ginny clapped her hand over her mouth. Hermione gave her a reprimanding look; Ginny mouthed "Sorry!" just as Tonks lifted her head sleepily. Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' of shock when she saw the girls crouching there. She blushed a deep scarlet, the red traveling down her neck, stopping somewhere around her completely bare chest.

"Sorry, sorry sorry…" whispered Hermione, backing away.

"We won't tell anyone, we swear." She wasn't sure, but Hermione was almost positive she saw Ginny crossing her fingers behind her back.

Thinking practically, Hermione flicked her wand, and a pastel pink fleece blanket covered their nude forms. Smiling gratefully, Tonks snuggled up against Remus, and Hermione and Ginny backed away from the table. Ginny grabbed a pack of Oreo cookies on the countertop, and the girls proceeded to exit the room.

Once outside the double doors, Hermione rounded on Ginny.

"I saw you. You crossed your fingers! Who are you planning on telling??? It's really their business, very private…"

"Chill, 'Mione, I was just going to tell Harry. And I'll tell him not to tell anyone. Is that okay?" Hermione gave an exasperated sigh.

"Fine, just don't tell ANYONE ELSE. I don't trust Ron, and any of the adults would scold us for spying and eavesdropping. Except for Sirius, he would probably congratulate Remus…"

(**A/N; This takes place in the sixth year. Now, everyone reading this is thinking 'WTF??? Sirius is dead, people**!' **I am fully aware of this. But it's part of my beliefs that no one who died in the seventh book actually dies, except for Voldemort. JKR LIED, people. That is the real truth. **

**OK, now back to** **the story**!)

Remus stirred slightly; there was something fuzzy in his face. Opening his eyes, he saw a puff of orange fur covering his nose and eyes. Examining closer her realized it was the bottlebrush tail of Crookshanks.

For a moment, he was confused; how did the cat get into his room? Or on the bed? Hermione had said that he was getting too old and fat to jump much more than half a meter in the air, and his bed was much higher that that.

Then the events of the previous night came rushing back to him. He gasped, and sat up sharply.

His head hit the oak bottom of the kitchen table, startling the cat, who darted out from the tablecloth. Looking down, he blushed scarlet; there was a blanket covering himself, but Tonks was lying completely exposed, spread eagle on the linoleum, nothing covering herself whatsoever.

Fishing his wand out of his pants pocket, laying nearby, he split the pink blanket into two, covering the young woman and wrapping the other half around his midriff.

He leaned over, shaking her shoulder gently. She opened her eyes blearily, then smiled up at him. She sat up, completely disregarding the blanket slipping down to her waist. He coughed, blushing, trying to avert his eyes. She rolled her eyes.

"Hey." She leaned over, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes. He smiled, kissing her cheek. She kissed his mouth, but briefly. Only a second after she began, she jumped away, looking worried.

"What time is it? Molly'll be coming to make breakfast at six thirty…" He pulled a pocket watch out of his sweater vest.

"Uhm, it's six twenty five." Tonks gasped.

"C'mon, we gotta go to our respective beds, if she comes down and finds us, it was bad enough with Hermione and Ginny last night, come on…" Remus threw up his hands, looking puzzled.

"Whoah, whoah, whoah, what do you mean, 'Hermione and Ginny last night'??? Did they…" She nodded, looking embarrassed.

"It was after, though, they didn't see the act… we were asleep, Ginny woke me up squealing…" Remus buried his face in his hands.

"Nymphadora, you do know that she'll tell everyone. She's such a little gossip." Tonks shook her head.

"No, I made them swear that they wouldn't tell a soul, and they seemed pretty sincere. Let's just move, Molly'll be down any second." She crawled out from under the table, Remus following. She stood, stretching. Remus kept the blanket firmly around himself, and while her arms were in the air, he wrapped her half around her. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Remus, we did the unspeakable last night, does it really matter if you see my bare chest?" He nodded firmly.

"I was raised to treat a woman with respect, not ogle her nudeness shamelessly. Even if she doesn't care." She smiled, kissing his forehead.

"You're so sweet." She took his hand and began to lead him upstairs.

_**Ten Minutes Later…**_

Molly Weasley made her way downstairs into the kitchen, trying to remember if there were enough eggs for omelets for the whole Order. If there weren't, they would probably be fine with toast and kippers, maybe some fruit salad, nice to keep all those teenagers healthy…

Her train of thought suddenly stopped working as she entered the kitchen. There were clothes everywhere! She picked up a black crop top and a lacy yellow bra, recognizing them as Tonk's; she had done the laundry enough times to identify every article of clothing belonging to every Order member.

Fingering the orange and brown argyle sweater vest, she smiled. She was pretty sure what the two people whose clothes these belonged were up to last night. She followed the trail of garments to underneath the table, and gave a little giggle. How unlikely! But, she reasoned as she tossed the clothes into the laundry chute, they made a very nice coupling.

**Well? What do you all think? Should I do more chapters? I think I should. Do I do a good lemon? (Hint; if you want to answer these questions, PRESS THE GODDAM LITTLE BLUE BUTTON AND REVIEW, DAMMIT**!)

**Thank you**! ! ! ! ! ! !

**As always,**

**-i gf**


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